Love Compatibility
by Areah51
Summary: One where Sakura sends Naruto his and Sasuke's Love Chart compatibility, and Naruto reads it aloud to Sasuke.


"Today is my new favourite day", Naruto announced to the living room, stretching his entire body over the couch.

"Do you ever stop moving around like a worm?"

"Hey, easy now, Sunday mornings are a no-fight zone. I'm just relaxing", replied the blond calmly, moving once again to reach for his tea on the coffee table next to the couch. Sasuke had forbidden him to drink coffee. It made him 'insane', supposedly. In Naruto's opinion, Sasuke just couldn't handle him. Which was fine by him.

"You are relaxing _on_ me. You weight a ton." Sasuke muttered, turning over a page of the newspaper he was currently reading. His voice sounded angry, but one of his hand sneaked under the grey blanket spread over his lower body, squeezing one of Naruto's leg gently, letting his hand create patterns over the warm skin. How Naruto always managed to be warmer than him, he'd never know.

"Do not. It's muscle mass." Sasuke snorted but didn't reply. He couldn't complain.

Naruto and himself had a workout routine they had stuck to ever since leaving the Jui Jutsu society at Uni. They sparred three times a week and spent the remaining three doing cardio for an hour. It kept them in good shape, and allowed them to spend more time together during those weeks where work was overwhelming.

But Sundays were off days. On Sundays, no work, no workout, just a stack of pancakes for Naruto and a bowl of granola and fresh fruit for Sasuke after waking up late. Well, later than 5am, which was their schedule every other day. Waking up at 8am was a luxury reserved for Sundays.

"Hey, Sas'ke, you're a Leo, right?", Naruto prompted, looking over his tablet with a squint. The other man raised his nose from the paper and turned towards Naruto, his black-rimmed glasses framing his face, rendering him ever more handsome than normal.

"Hm?"

"Your zodiac sign", Naruto repeated, "it's Leo, right?"

"Hn."

"Well, Sakura had a girl's night with Ino, and they both decided it would apparently be fun to compare the zodiac compatibility of their friends. She took a screenshot and sent us our own little matchmaking horoscope", Naruto said, turning over the tablet to show Sasuke, who raised an eyebrow in question.

"What, don't tell me you don't want to hear what it has to say!"

Sasuke let out a sigh and folded his newspaper over Naruto's covered legs. He moved to remove his glasses but Naruto's hand was suddenly on his wrist.

"Don't, it's sexy. I like them."

The dark-haired man let out a short laugh but kept them on. He leaned his head over the couch, starring at the ceiling.

"Fire away, Naruto."

Naruto made a show of clearing his throat, brushing away invisible dust on his shoulder, which looked ridiculous anyway because he was laying down on the couch like a potato, half on Sasuke and half on a bunch of pillows carried from the bedroom to the couch, where Naruto had made clear he would not move away from today.

"I'm falling asleep", warned Sasuke, closing his eyes. Naruto looked up from the tablet and his breath was once again caught. This man was his. He had no idea how that was even possible. He felt so lucky, and his luck only grew with time. The two of them had met in high school, but it was only in Uni that they had started a friendship, which had them evolved into a romantic relationship. High school had been a hard time for both of them, Sasuke having lost his parents earlier in the year in a car accident, and Naruto trying to find a place where he belonged, other than his adoptive family. The trauma the both had faced made high school a tough time full of trial and error. Naruto had managed to make some really good friends he was still in contact with now, but Sasuke had turned on the world, and the world was not having it. The world being Naruto and his eternal need for attention. The blond had met Sasuke in Art classes, which they were both forced to take by the counsellor, who thought it would help them 'unleash their emotions through other media'. Naruto had been paired with Sasuke for a project, and Naruto had thought it was destiny wanting them to be friends. Sasuke had thought it was a bad joke. The partnership had not gone well, eventhough the final art piece had been praised and put on a mural in the school. Because, well, the world knew what was up. And those two were meant to be. Through constant bickering, anger and somewhat calm moments, Naruto and Sasuke had created a painting of a small boat surrounded by a tormented ocean, just about to topple the boat and its two people. The message was clear. And Sasuke was done. He had spent the rest of the three years avoiding the pull he felt towards the blond, because friendship and emotions in general only led to sadness and pain. He had found a few people he hung out with on occasions, who never asked anything of him, and who never tried to know more. It suited him.

Until University. Uni had been an important landmark in their relationship. They had accidentally met during fresher's week, at a Jui Justu tryout. It had never been an issue before, as Naruto did Jui Justu and Sasuke did Tae Kwon Do, which happened a different time in the dojo they studied it at in high school. But Tae Kwon Do didn't exist at their Uni, and Sasuke had to take what was available. Aka Jui Jutsu. After a few turns, they had been paired together, and the look on their faces had been priceless. Naruto had given Sasuke the fight of his life, and the other man having never tried Jui Jutsu before had bit the dust. That day, Sasuke had decided he would get better and better at Jui Jutsu and give Naruto a taste of his own medicine, regaining his pride. Their had sparred together most of the time, during and out of Jui Justu training, and all this time together had taken its toll on their relationship. Sasuke started to think that it may not be so bad to have a close friend.

And when said close friend decided to take their relationship to another level by stomping into his dorm and kissing him senseless, Sasuke had decided that perhaps, none of this was all that bad. Their relationship had never been smooth, but it had always been passionate, supportive and loving, and that was all they needed.

"You don't want to know how I'll wake you up", Naruto teased back, laughing out loud and Sasuke's head jumped forward, one hand on his ear.

"Never. Never again will you put your tongue in my ear. It is unsanitary and I can't believe I still kiss you."

"It's cuz I'm irresistible, honey." Naruto wiggled his eyebrows up and down and Sasuke made a disgusted noise.

"Can't believe I still put up with you, after all these years."

"What can I say? It is my unbelievable good looks and hot body that make you swoon."

"I do not swoon, Naruto."

"Sure you do. " The blond man dropped the tablet and slowly ran his hands over his torso, raising the hem of his tee shirt up. "You can't resist me when I'm all naked and bothered..." Sasuke's lips rose on one side, and his predatory eyes centred in on Naruto's lower stomach, tracing his abs with hungry eyes. It was sad to think of how much control Naruto had over him. Sasuke wasn't even sure he could back up his statement with facts. For all he knew, Naruto made him swoon. "…When I want you. I make you swoon, bae." Sasuke, who had been ready to lose track of time and have some playtime with his lover, reared back like he'd been slapped.

"Bae?" He sputtered, grossed out. He shook his head and turned away from his 'bae's' sight. Naruto may has well have called him buttercup. This was so not attractive.

"What? You're my bae, I'm your bae, we're each other's baes. It's you and me, baby." Naruto joked knowingly. He was well aware that Sasuke hated the word bae. But he thought it was hilarious.

"You're disgusting, I'm divorcing you."

"We're not married, idiot. I'm too young to be chained to you and your prude ways. I wish to see the world, explore my horizo-" He was cut off by Sasuke's body leaning over him, one hand on his crotch, the other one behind his head.

"I'm sorry, what did you just say? You want to 'explore new horizons'?"

Naruto released a coy smile, and Sasuke almost dropped the act. He centered himself and left his face impassive.

"Sure. Explore new horizons, see other pastures, get acquainted with the hot neighbor in the second flo-hmpf", he stopped himself when Sasuke's lower hand squeezed not-so-gently.

"You are not going anywhere without me. I'll get you one of those leech that kids have around nowadays. I'll drag you places. We'll go see your pastures. Together." Sasuke said almost-but-not-quite jokingly.

"What about my independence, Sasuke? You'll let me rot, unhappy and chained?"

"You're not unhappy", Sasuke murmured, his nose touching Naruto's. The blond scruntched his face and rose up to peck Sasuke's lips.

"I'm not unhappy…" he whispered back slowly against Sasuke's lips. And then proceeded to ruin the moment. "But Sakura's love compatibility says I will be if you don't sort out your shit together!" Sasuke moved his head back in a sigh, staring at his lover who wore the adorable face of a child who knows he's done something wrong and is proud of it. His upper hand played with Naruto's tiny hair at the nape of his neck and he let his other hand dip into Naruto's lounge pants. The blond's face turned into one of amusing shock.

"How dare you reach into the holy land without my consent?"

"It's the beautiful thing about a relationship, Naruto", Sasuke explained, not relenting his ministrations in Naruto's pants. "I get to do what I want with you."

"Sounds like an abusive relationship to me."

"Am I abusing you?" Sasuke asked, letting his hand fall lower, teasing Naruto's buttcrack. Naruto psuhed back against Sasuke's fingers and glared at Sasuke.

"You know you're not."

"I want to hear you say it."

"You, Sasuke Uchiha, are the best boyfriend in the entire world-" Naruto stopped himself as Sasuke's hand dwelved deeper into uncharted territory, making him moan and lose track of rational thought,"-even if you get all territorial on my ass, hm, when I…god… when I make jokes about the hot neighbor, who's – whoa, do that again- not that hot compared to you. You are intelligent, honest, competitive- and if you don't let me jump your bones right now I'm going to go crazy." Sasuke's lips tipped up, and that was about the moment when Naruto realized what Sasuke had been preparing for. "Don't you dar-"

Sasuke retreated in his part of the couch and unfolded his paper nonchalantly. Naruto took a few seconds to gather himself and fall off the high train he'd been ready to jump on just minutes ago. He pulled his shirt down and adjusted himself grumpily.

"You always do this."

"I know."

"I hate it."

"I know."

"I hate you."

"You love me. And you love when I teach you a good lesson. What is today's lesson?" Naruto grumbled something under his breath, folding his arms across his chest. He was still a little excited, but he knew there was no point in pushing for more. When Sasuke did his tease-and-retreat lesson of the day, Naruto never succeeded in making him change his mind. Except for this one time when Naruto had decided that he wanted sex, and he wanted it now. He'd gone to the kitchen and made a show of eating several tomatoe, standing on all fours on the kitchen counter. Sasuke just hadn't been able the resist. But Naruto was comfortable, and they'd had sex just a few hours ago upon waking up. He could wait. He would it worth Sasuke's while later. Revenge was best served cold.

"What was that? Didn't quite catch it."

"Don't call your boyfriend Bae. Or he will play the hot and cold game and then leave you hard and panting by yourself."

"That's right."

"You're such a pain in the ass, Sasuke."

"Didn't your stupid horoscope mention that already?"

"Hmpf."

"Oh, come on."

"Hmpf."

"Now you're being childish." Naruto conceeded , turning his eyes towards the floor to ceiling window on his side, beside the TV.

"Maybe."

"I'll cook you lunch, if that makes you feel better."

"No thank you, mister I'll have a salad with a side of nothing."

"I'll make you ramen."

"You will?" Naruto's smile reached epic proportions and Sasuke couldn't help but find it endearing.

"Simple minds."

"Shut up."

"Read me that compatibility chart Sakura sent you. I want to know how long I have to deal with you before I can ask for a divorce."

"We're not married!" Naruto repeated, reaching down to get the tablet on the fluffly orange rug. Sasuke had fought his lover on this, but Naruto had had the upper hand in the Jui Justu match they had done to settle the disagreement. The orange mat had been there since the beggining, four years ago. He would never tell a living soul, but Sasuke had grown attached to it. Somehow, so many memories were attached to the ugly rug, from playing video games to pizza nights with Kiba and Shikamaru, to having dirty sex on it. Not that he'd tell any of his friends _that_. Naruto rose from the floor and settled once again on the black couch (curtesy of the Uchiha), extending his feet once again across Sasuke's. The dark haired man didn't say anything, letting Naruto invade his personal space.

Naruto cleared his throat once again. "_You are a pretty pair, attracted to the other's good looks and charm._ That's right we are. Our babies will be totally attractive." Sasuke didn't comment, but his eyes almost made it to the ceiling. " _The courtship phase has all your favorite trimmings: massive bouquets delivered to your office, iPod mixes of your favorite angsty love songs, sonnets inspired by your affection._ Hey, wait a minute, that doesn't sound like us at all! You never sent me flowers or wrote me sonnets. Ah, well, you did give me that cool CD of Florence and the Machine, but I don't think you were wooing me? Unless you wanted me to be your wolf and hooooooowwwll?"

"This is a pile of shit, Naruto. I didn't woo you because I didn't have to. You fell into my arms."

"Did not! I kicked your sorry ass and you just couldn't handle it! You were the one trying to spend every waking moment with me. If anything, _you_ fell into _my_ arms when I blew you away. Literally."

"Hn. Whatever. I got my revenge."

"Shut up and listen. _Leo and Libra are two of the zodiac's most romantic signs, and you love everything to be pleasant and harmonious on the surface. The challenge comes when it's time to get real. Rather than show your unpleasant humanity,_" Naruto made a show of raising his brows as Sasuke, who conveniently looked down on his lap. " They obviously know you well. Anyway, _you coat issues in saccharine, avoiding touchy topics to keep the happy vibes flowing_. Wait a second, that's not you at all either", Naruto exclaimed sarcastically. Sasuke rose slightly, picking a cushion from underneath him and hitting Naruto with it.

"Whoa, no violence! We said no violence, dammit!"

"Well, you wouldn't want me to 'coat my issues in saccharine', now would you?"

"Ha. Ha. Clever. _However, the artificial sweetness soon leaves a bitter aftertaste, especially for Leo_. That's you. _The Lion is a Fire sign, with a much more passionate disposition than cooler Air-sign Libra_. That's me. See, they say I'm cooler. _Leo is pushy, Libra procrastinates, and you can get caught in a dance of anger as a result_. _When truly upset, the Lion roars. Libra can bellow right back, but he's more likely to withhold attention, the thing that Leo most craves._ This is scarily accurate, Sasuke. Remember that time when I didn't talk to you for three days because you were being rude to all of my friends and didn't care. You went mad trying to get my attention. You're like a baby. You pine and wail for me to love you."

"I _do not_ pine and wail for you to love me. That's ridiculous."

"Not as ridiculous as you when you came home with that-"

"Will shut up about it? We agreed to never talk about this."

"More like you begged me to never bring it up again", snorted Naruto. "But, it just so happens that I think it was a truly romantic gesture, even though you almost killed me… Then again, roses are a bit gay…"

Sasuke's face had reached a shade of red that most people called crimson, as Naruto mumbled something that sounded a lot like _I'm one to talk_. Sasuke sputtered out unconvincingly, "Sakura said red roses were the way to go. I didn't know you were allergic!"

"And you proved your love like a knight in a shining armour by driving insanely fast to the hospital while my face grew blue and puffy like a balloon", Naruto finished calmly, gently patting Sasuke's arm. "Don't worry, I only told Kiba."

"You told _Kiba_?"

"I couldn't not tell him. You know him and I are almost in a relationship", Naruto admonished.

"Gross."

"Stop interrupting me and listen."

"You're the one interrupting all the time", Sauke pointed out.

"Accurate. Now, _Leo's demands for affection, praise and validation can drain Libra after a while_. Hear that? You're draining me."

"Then go find Kiba, since he's your soulmate."

"So dramatic," sighed the blond man. "You really are like a bitter old man, Sasuke. _Dramatic highs and lows tip Libra's scales off balance, inciting a passive-aggressive backlash_. What? I'm not dramatic. I'm shitting rainbows half the time", exclaimed Naruto.

"Sure you are."

Naruto's voice pitched higher and higher as he finished the prediction of doom.

"_It starts with locked doors and escalates into Internet porn or even affairs if Leo doesn't get the hint. You may be better off as friends if you can't get beyond this impasse_. WHAT? I would never cheat on you! Unless it was Kiba, but that wouldn't even count as cheating! It would be bromance, right? And they talk as though you're oblivious! You're the most observant person I know. You can read me from miles away. This is nonsense. Why would we be better off as friends? We're in love and nothing is going to change that! Even if I watched porn! Right?"

Sasuke had stayed silent the whole time, observing Naruto talk to himself. This man was very, very entertaining.

"Naruto. This is a bunch of crap written by women in need for attention and trying to break perfectly healthy couples like you and me. We'll be fine."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because we are 27 years-old, have been together for 6 years and so far, aside from the rose problem, we have never had any issues like those mentioned in the text. Unless you are having an affair with Kiba, in which case we're about to have a problem, because I don't share." Naruto opened his mouth wide like a cheerios was stuck in between his lips.

"You know I wouldn't actually cheat on you, right? We're like pepper and salt. You can't have one without the other."

Sasuke rose an unimpressed brow in Naruto's direction and pinched on of Naruto's leg hair that sat comfortably on his lap. Naruto squirmed and snapped the pale hand away.

"That's stupid. Of course you can."

"Nu uh", denied Naruto, now playing with Sasuke's hand, intertwining and moving his fingers left and right. He was never one to sit tight.

"What about people allergic to pepper?"

"You're ruining the moment, Sasuke."

"I'm just being considerate for all the people who don't fit into your life because they don't add pepper or salt to their meals."

"Wait, what?"

"No matter. Stay blissful in your ignorance and we'll have a long and healthy life together."

"Are you saying you'll be my pepper?" Sasuke shook his head.

"Sure, whatever."

"If that didn't sound like a true love confession, I don't know what does."

"Clearly Kiba had never professed his undying love for you, then."

"Shut up. He's madly in love with me. He just doesn't know it yet."

"What will you do when he realizes?"

"I'll let him down. Because you're my pepper."

"Okay."

"Good."

"Now what?"

Sasuke moved lighting quick, rising on all fours above Naruto, his predatory smile once again rising to the surface.

"How about you, me and this couch get acquainted?"

Naruto made a pouty face. "But you said you would make me lunch."

"I did. After you let me love you. I cook better when I'm sedated."

"Are you saying I'm your drug?" Naruto murmured quietly as Sasuke dipped to his throat, kissing his way around the lobe of his ear, which had always been a sensitive spot.

"Maybe", Sasuke groaned, letting his hand roam over the tanned skin.

"Well, now this is a love confession", the blond whispered, slowly pulling Sasuke's white shirt over his head, his gaze dipping to admire the work of art that was his boyfriend.

"Shut up and love me", Sasuke ordered, ripping away the other man's pants. And Naruto did.

Because really, who could pass up an opportunity like this?


End file.
